At a recent letter social, someone made a comment that stopped me for a moment. They said they had answered all their letters. And now, they had no one to write to. My response was simple: You don’t have to wait for someone to write to you before you write to them. Somewhere along the way, many of us have begun to think of correspondence as a kind of exchange that must always stay perfectly balanced. Someone writes. We reply. Then we wait for them to write again.
But letters don’t have to work that way. You can initiate a correspondence. You can write first. You can write again. You can send a letter simply because someone crossed your mind.
Why Are We Waiting?
Think about how we communicate in everyday life. We don’t wait for someone to telephone us before we are allowed to call them. We don’t keep a mental record of who sent the last text before deciding whether we can send another.
Yet with letters, people sometimes feel there is an unwritten rule: It isn’t my turn. There is no turn. Correspondence is not a tennis match. A letter is an invitation. It says, I was thinking about you. It says, I saw something today that reminded me of you. It says, I wanted to tell you this. And perhaps most importantly, it says, You mattered enough for me to sit down, choose some paper, find a pen, and spend a little part of my day with you. That is reason enough to write.
Start a Correspondence
There may be someone in your life from whom you have never received a letter. Write to them anyway. Perhaps it is a cousin you haven’t spoken with in years. An old friend. A former coworker. A neighbor who moved away. A teacher who once encouraged you. A grandchild. A niece or nephew. Someone you met briefly who left an impression. You don’t need an important reason. Your letter might begin:
I was thinking about you today…
Or:
I came across something that reminded me of you…
Or simply:
I realized it has been far too long since I wrote.
That is how correspondence begins. One person decides not to wait.
Letters Don’t Have to Be Earned
There is another habit worth letting go of: the idea that a letter requires a response. Of course, receiving a reply is wonderful. Opening the mailbox and discovering an envelope addressed by hand is one of the great pleasures of correspondence. But the value of the letter you send does not depend upon what comes back.
People are busy. They lose track of time. They may intend to answer and never quite manage it. Sometimes a letter arrives during a difficult season of someone’s life, and while they may not have the energy to reply, that letter may mean more than you will ever know. Write because you want to make the connection. Not because you are keeping score.
Become the Person Who Writes
There is something wonderful about being known as the person who sends letters. The person whose envelopes suddenly appear among the bills and advertisements. The person who remembers birthdays—and sometimes writes on perfectly ordinary Tuesdays. The person who sends postcards from places both exotic and completely mundane. The person who occasionally puts something cheerful into another person’s mailbox for no reason whatsoever. You can be that person. And you don’t need anyone’s permission.
So, Who Can You Write To?
If your stack of unanswered letters is empty, congratulations. Now comes the fun part. Pull out your address book. Look through your contacts. Think about someone you haven’t heard from lately. Choose a piece of stationery. Pick up your pen. And write first. Because correspondence doesn’t have to begin with receiving a letter. Sometimes it begins with deciding that someone is worth writing to.
Why wait?
At the Arizona Correspondence Society, we believe handwritten correspondence is about connection—not obligation. Whether you are answering a letter, beginning a new correspondence, or simply sending a little unexpected mail into the world, there is always someone worth writing to.
So write the letter.
You never know what might begin with one envelope.
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